Boyfriend Lessons
by Indigo Jupiter
Summary: Because 'They' wouldn't tell you the dark side of relationship until you got in one :3 A mini-series of crack and humor. Phase 03: Rei x Mariah.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 01**  
 **Phases – Spray Tanning**

 **Featuring: Tyson Granger and Hilary Tachibana.**

Nobody gives you a warning as to what your girlfriend will be up to next. There's no textbook or theory that can prepare you for the unpredictable phases the female species will go through.

One minute she could be bleaching her long hair, then the next she is cutting all her hair off a week later.

Seriously, I can see why Adam traded his kidney for another woman. His first girlfriend was either a trial and error or she was a complete nut case that he couldn't handle. Anyways, though I understand the Author of the Bible's thought process, I kind of would never do that.

Believe it or not that, I, Tyson Granger can be a soppy and easy-going guy when it comes to being in love. I have watched my girlfriend go through her tomboy phase for the past month, and that was kind of weird. Hilary would dig through my clothes and wear my jackets because it was 'cheaper.'

In a weird way, we both took some memorable photos... Yea, I would say cute, but it's not very 'masculine'. I let Hilary do all that lovey-dovey chat stuff.

Overall though, everything is great!

…

…

...

...

Oh, who am I kidding?  
This current phase is starting to piss me off. She's fake tanning and getting that golden shit all over the dojo! Grandpa is giving me hell because it's staining the bathtub and Hilary won't let me touch her until the tan settles.

Funnily enough, she even invites Julia around so they can spray tan on each other. Now, as much as I and Tala wait patiently in the lounge, we both sit in silence for the entire time. Secretly we're fantasizing about the scenes that are taking place in my bathroom, so that's kind of awkward.

And when we do decide to communicate; the other will just look away with embarrassment. Honestly, the tension between us feels more unbearable than the world war 3 tensions that are currently brewing.

However, the only ice breaker that seems to work is: "So, wanna play some Call of Duty?" And bang, we are signing a peace treaty together.

But what's happening right now? I'm getting a slap from Hilary for laughing at her pale boobs. Yet what made me snort was the fact her spray had caused her hands to go bright orange. She had umpa lumpa hands – the poor girl didn't wear any mittens whilst applying the tanning creams onto her skin.

If I'd have known the poor girl was fake tanning to impress me, I would have told her not to bother because her body and soul is just perfect the way she is~

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! For those of you who have been on this website for a long time, you might recognize this idea as I have written it years ago. But now I have reinvented the idea and given the creation a more personal touch. Now, I know some of you are also thinking: 'A TyHil ficlet? From Little A Granger?' - I know, it's a phase XD. The humor does kind of remind me of 'Beyblades vs. Call of Duty' but I still hope it made you readers chuckle too!**  
 **Granger~**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **A/N: Surprised?! XD…..i was too; D**  
 **To clear the confusion my adorable readers, Ann and I decided to write a collaborative series together: D Ann kindly proposed the idea of doing a fiction together and I feel so honored :')…..People please send your love to this amazing person because she picked me up when I was swimming in depression. And of course that depression greatly hindered my writing.**  
 **Nevertheless I am surfacing. Figured out that, this might break the ice. Plus this is a nice challenge for me as well because I have never done collaborative fics before.**

 **Hope you guys like our latest project xD because White day is approaching and we figured out that it's not at all white as it is supposed to be ;D**  
 **If you got any suggestions or even prompts…. please snipe them in our way xD**

 **Tyson and Ray out.  
** _Ann nicknamed me Ray: 3 I like my new nick name, period XD_


	2. Chapter 2: Snooze Buddy?

**Chapter 02**  
 **Phases - Snooze Buddy**

 **Featuring: Spencer Petrov and Mathilda Alster**

'Romance Movies should be fined or even better banned them from the face of this planet' Spencer thought irritably, reaching for the cabbage which was kept alongside with other vegetables.

For they depicted a very false picture of the said genre; That the couples were so madly in love that they didn't saw the world around them. They would kiss, talk and laugh together. Hold hands in public. One would think that the heaven revolved around them. Probably the best part was the sleeping part. Of course sex made it awesome, but it was the cuddling that was the true sign of affection, according to them.

When Spencer and Mathilda started going out, they pretty much ended up doing most of the said things. Of course at that time, they weren't living together.  
Once things finally got serious, Spencer decided that maybe the time has come; for living together. He discussed this with Mathilda and the girl's eyes were welling up with tears already, before he could finish it.

In a week or two, the hedgehog bit-beast wielder moved in the apartment and the living together phase started.  
The Russian was surprised actually. Alster proved all of his doubts wrong. She kept all the rooms neat and clean. Burnished and dusted every surface, sorted out the spices according to color code in cabinets and folded the clothes after they came from dry-cleaners.  
Living with her was nothing like the rambunctious boys from his team. It was simply haven.

Spencer wasn't religious but he was well aware of this fact that God hasn't made everyone perfect. Everyone carries flaws. He himself believed he was full of them. No one was spared from it, even his girlfriend.  
He thought that he has figured his girlfriend out after going out with her for such a long time. Turns out how wrong he was.  
It's was just the beginning. And it all started with sharing the same bed in night.

Spencer was asleep when he heard some whisperings. In seconds he sat up and glanced around warily. It's been years since he left abbey and even though that institute was demolished, some habits are hard to leave, like for instant waking up instantly at the slightest sounds.  
Everything looked normal. He then looked at the other side of the bed and found Mathilda all curled up. Her brows appeared corrugated and sweat was trickling down her cheeks, all the while muttering gibberish. For the looks of it, she was having a nightmare.  
At this the blond blader felt a surge of pity. Serving under a psychopath Barthez, who was rumored to be the lapdog of Boris, it's a miracle you didn't snap under their reign. Still they did impale horrific shards on one's persona, with nightmares being one of the starters.

"Hilda (a/n)" Spencer spoke, lightly shaking the shoulder of his girlfriend. His girlfriend didn't budge, but the mutterings increased.  
"I won't cheat…..you can't…"  
"Hilda…..hey it's okay"

Still no effect. The whale wielder then scooted a little and wrapped his arms around the petite frame of his lover. Hugs are meant to heal nightmares, right?  
It only had a contrary effect.

Mathilda started squirming in his grasp, still not opening her eyes.

"It's okay…..snap out of it" Spencer cooed.

The pink haired blader snarled under her breath and did something which the blond blader was last expecting. She hit him right across his shoulder.

"Oww!" Spencer gasped. For a girl, she hit quite hard.

And it didn't stopped right there. Mathilda continued landing punches and kicks across his torso, finally hitting him on his manhood.  
Spencer yelped and rolled off the bed, landing on the carpet with a dull thud. JEEBUS! That hurt!

Mathilda stopped moving her limbs and became relatively calm. She continued snoozing on as if nothing happened.

'Unbelievable!' Spencer thought appalled.

The next morning was even more embarrassing. The couple sat on the table, eating their breakfast. Mathilda's eyes traveled towards Spencer who was wincing in his seat and was cradling an ice-pack near his crotch area.

"Is something wrong Spencer…you got an ice-pack near…" She trailed off, not wanting to say it aloud due to her bashfulness.  
"It's nothing" Spencer shrugged it off. The last thing he wants is to make Mathilda guilty. Sure she bruised him, but she was unconscious right?  
"But then what happened?"  
"It just got swelled, that's all"  
"Swelled…..oh you mean" At this the girl cheeks went red. Spencer didn't understand her reaction. However he did choke on his saliva when she spoke the next words;

"I can help you…..if you allow me…"  
"No it's not that!"

Mathilda raised her eyebrows "Noi? You got an infection then?"

It took some time to convince her that it was really nothing.

Thankfully the nightmares lasted only for a week. But then another problem arose in sleeping; Space. Mathilda slept like a starfish, arms and legs splayed out, giving little or no space at all to Spencer. A big guy like him could simply scoot her off easily, but he doesn't. Because he hasn't got a gut to do it actually; period.  
As a result, Spencer suffered from stiff joints for a whole month.

Followed by the space problem, came the hogging problem. In the middle of the night, the pink haired blader would pull the blanket and wrap it around herself like a burrito. Again Petrov didn't mind it. He was born in the mother of iceland so the cold didn't particularly bother him. Still it felt so _lonely_.

The last habit did crack him up though; the sleep talks.  
They say that if a person is talking subconsciously, it speaks the truth and might end up voicing its deeper thoughts.  
It wouldn't have been bad if she didn't talk about Miguel. Because that's what she all talked about. One would think that the pretty boy mattered to her and that pissed off the Russian. And it got only worst with the passage of time when she started referring Spencer as Miguel, thinking it's him.

"Hey remember that time when Claude tried to push Aaron in to pool and ended up slipping on a tiled floor?! It was so funny!"  
"I bet it was" Spencer voice came from the floor. Even though the kicking and punching stopped, one can never be sure. So that would explain his sleeping on carpet.  
"I miss those times"  
"Sure you do"  
"Hey Miguel?!"  
"Yes?" Spencer answered, his tone clearly carrying distaste on the name being mentioned.  
"I have been meaning to tell you something…."

'Jolly good' the flaxen blader thought sarcastically.

"There's a guy I have been crushing on. And I know you wouldn't approve of him because he carries that aura of bad guys….."  
At this Spencer straightened up. Could she be?

"Please don't judge me….but I think I like Spencer Petrov….." Mathilda confessed, her face appearing dreamy.

Now that was something new and finally it was about him! Yay!

"Are you mad?"  
Realizing she was questioning him, Spencer coughed "Ah no….no I am not. Honestly speaking I should have seen it coming"  
"You are not mad! Thank you so much for understanding Miguel! What would I have done without you?"

But then the girl's face got sad.  
"Miguel…..i want him…..can't you get him for me please?"

Spencer smiled. He was clearly enjoying this.  
"What can I do for you?"  
"A plush toy of him would be enough too"

Thinking that it was enough, Spencer got up and slipped underneath the sheets.

"I couldn't get the real guy….but I got the plush toy you asked for"  
"Yay!" Mathilda cheered as she snuggled closer to her boyfriend's chest" Thank you Miguel! You are the best!"  
"Be sure to take good care of him…"  
"Oh I will…"

"I am home honey!"

Spencer paused in his task, snapping out from his trance as his girlfriend came to the kitchen and greeted him. As Mathilda started rattling about her day, thoughts took him faraway.  
Sure she wrestled him on the bed, hogged blanket in the night and didn't give him space. And talked rubbish all night. A worst companion she was when it comes to sleeping with her. But she has other qualities that certainly filled those areas.

"Spencer? Spencer!"  
"Hm?"  
"You got distracted" The girl laughed.  
"I sure did"  
"I want to help you….what can I do?"

Spencer smiled and leaned forward. He then lightly nipped the tip of his girlfriend's nose.  
"Spence!"

Yup, a definite worst snooze buddy, but he wouldn't give her for the world~

* * *

 **Hilda: Spencer nickname Mathilda ' _Hilda_ ' on the basis of the last part of her name. Used it rarely...but when he did, it was called out in endearment. **

**A/N: Another update, hurray! :'D**  
 **I sound way too excited than readers xD...now that's something :P**  
 **Anyway this is about Spencer X Mathilda-one of my fav pairings! and i know it's enough to raise the eyebrows of everyone because they hardly interacted in the series but one can always imagine...that's why ffn exist :3...to play with our muses.**

 **Please review and let us know your views ^_^**  
 **A Heartfelt thank yous to cutetyhil, LadyDiamond92, Maskaihilfantic, Droplets of blue rain, Aegri Somnia Vana and Sharingan Blossoms for reviewing! and thank you psychlover95 for faving this ^w^**

 **P.S. if you are wondering where Tyson aka Ann is...she's right now bidding in the horse race :D...though she did send her love to you guys :D**

 **~Tyson and Ray out.**


	3. Chapter 3: Weight Gain

**Chapter 03** **  
Phases – Weight Gain.**

 **Featuring: Rei Kon and Mariah Wong**

"Don't cook me anything to eat Rei. I'm not hungry."

It was very rare for me to cook food that wasn't good for the soul. So when I heard Mariah shout that to me from the front room, my face helplessly dropped into a confused gesture. Not only had I cooked her a deliciously healthy Spanish omelet to eat for dinner, but she has now got to the stage where she won't eat anything at all!

Mariah has been acting so off lately and it's getting to the point where I don't know what I can do to prevent her from taking this 'weight gain crisis' too much to heart. Her natural curves were faultless in my eyes, and it always made me feel so proud to see Mariah clear her plate. She loved my cooking.

My favorite memory of us was when we both moved into our first flat together. I adored the days where we both would mess around in the kitchen together whilst baking a pizza together. Mariah would cut up the vegetables and I would playfully whip her with the tea towel. Then she would throw an onion at me – those were the days I could relive over and over again.

I loved her for who she was and nothing will ever change that. But no matter how much I protest this to her, she would always just pardon me by kissing me on the lips.

Deep down, I know that she is doing this to boost her self-confidence. And I hate it!

Firstly she would only eat half of her meals. Then a week later, she started to drink plenty of water before the dinner so she would feel full. And now she is skipping them entirely whilst wearing bodysuits that suck all her body fat into an hourglass shape.

"Mariah, I'm cooking a Spanish omelet, there's nothing fattening in this." I called back and glanced over my shoulder to see Mariah leaning against the doorframe with determination glowing in her fierce eyes. "Well, it is healthy unless you wanted cheese with it..."

"No Rei, I'm not hungry." She was lying to me, and I knew she was. "My body was trying to be sick again this morning, but there was nothing there to bring up."

The worst part about all of this was that Mariah felt the need to lie to me when I knew she was suffering greatly. She was transforming into a delicate kitten, weak, small and pale. I wanted to explain to Mariah that her drastic change was killing me too, but I just didn't want to make her feel any worse about herself. It would destroy me to watch her cry.

"But I have finally figured out what's wrong with me Rei." She muttered with a slight glimpse of hope echoing in the tone of her voice, "And I think you will be pleased about the news too."

"What are you talking about Mariah?" I questioned whilst switching off the stove to prevent myself from burning the dinner.

Like an angel passing through the room, she approached me with a plastic object in her hand. It was something that I hadn't hoped to see for a long time, especially as we were using plenty of precautions to prevent this from happening.

I didn't know where to put my face when I skimmed my eyes over that test result – it answered so many questions that we both couldn't get our heads around. This test explained why Mariah had gained weight whilst going through this entire emotional trauma, she was pregnant!

My body began to tremble with joy and a huge shiver of relief thrived down my spine. I then gasped with my eyes widening, "Mariah..."

I was speechless, yet the only thing my brain could think about was giving her a huge bear hug. So that's exactly what I did. I hugged her tightly and placed a gentle kiss onto her cheek.

I was over the moon about the news – I'm going to become a father!

"Aw Rei. I'm so excited too!"

Now that we finally had come to a conclusion to her strange behavior, it was time for Mariah to eat for the sake of our future baby. It was about time that I found the strength to overpower her unpredictable behavior; so I immediately used this advantage to make some drastic changes in our lives.

"I'm afraid you are not to leave that table until you eat all of your meal." I whispered into her ear with a smile glued to my lips, "I want us to have a healthy baby."

"I won't be able to eat all that Rei!" She laughed at me.

"No excuses Mariah." I stood my ground and stepped back from her to register the shocked expression on her little face, "I want to see you full of food and I want to roll you back to the bedroom." 

* * *

**Special Thank yous to Guest, Maskaihilfantic, Droplets of blue rain, LadyDiamond92 and Kehkr for reviewing ^w^...Ray and Tyson really appreciate it :D**

 **A/N: It's fics like this that make me so broody for children. But when it comes to weight gain, I do exactly what Mariah does, it's bad I know! But it's the only way I can lose weight because I love my food too much! (I'm such a Granger, haha). However! Thank you so much to everyone who has been following this fic. I and (Indigo) Ray have been so overwhelmed with the reaction from you guys, especially as it was an idea to get (Indigo) Ray back on track with her writing and positivity. I'm so proud of her because she has received so much bad luck lately and she deserves to be happy. I'll always be that reliable friend who will pick up a broken human-being once they show me some truth and raw emotion. I guess that's why you call me a Tyson huh Indigo Jupiter? - Granger~**

 **A/N: Hello~ this is Indigo twin sister speaking right now. If you are wondering where Ray aka Indigo has gone off too...she's right now crying a waterfall...or as she puts it 'Tears of Joy' caused from the words of Granger :D. Nevertheless, she wants me to pass this to you Granger 'You are awesome Ann and you know it xD Thank you for picking me up bub :'D' and...  
**  
 **Oh no! we are getting flooded here! Red Alert! red Alert! Maha! STaph it!**


	4. Chapter 4: Notice the hints guys or

****

**Chapter 04  
** **Phases - Notice the hints guys or she will fuck you up!**

 **Featuring: Hilary Tachibana x Tyson Granger**

For the past few days, things have been awkward and I don't know why. But the answer soon smacked me in the face when I returned home from my trip to Russia. It might not have hit me straight away, but Hilary sure did have a sneaky trick up her sleeve and I just wasn't prepared for it either.

I walked through the flat entrance, dropped my bags to the ground and grinned happily.  
"Oh man, there is no place like home." I called out whilst stretching my arms up towards the ceiling to unlock my tensing muscles.

I was a little jet lagged and exhausted from all the travelling – but I soon woke up when Hilary walked into the corridor. Strangely, she froze when she realized that I had just walked through the door.

"Oh. You're home early..." Hilary snarled in a cold tone as she placed on her high heels."I thought you were back tomorrow night."

And there she stood, looking more beautiful than those Celebrity models that you would see on the television. That blue glossy dress was tightly hugging her figure and it really brought out those natural curves that Hilary had worked so hard to maintain. However, those heels really brought out those toned legs… she's bringing out a side in me that I have never came across before.

I never realized how little I actually deserved her until I stepped back to take a good look at her stunning appearance. It's now official guys; I have transformed into a worthless slave and she was my dominant queen who could do no wrong in my eyes.  
My jaw dropped to the floor, my stomach was wrenching, yet my brain was clouded. The warmth in my head was swiftly drifting down towards my groin and I was slowly starting to break out into an uncomfortable sweat.

 ** _I wanted her and I wanted her badly_**

"Where are you going?" I asked, fighting the urge to pick her up over my shoulder and drag her back to the bedroom. "Because you look amazing."  
"Do I?" Hilary grinned confidently as she swung her hand bag over her naked shoulder, "I'm going out with the girls. I'm not coming back until the early hours in the morning, so entertain yourself whilst I'm gone..."

"YOU WHAT!?" I twitched with my eyes wanting to roll out of my head, "NOOOOO."

Haha, that's what she thinks.

"Ohhhh yes I am! You have been ignoring me for a few days now. I don't know why, so I am going to hang out with the people who will acknowledge me…."

I slithered up to her and leaned into her personal space with a confident grin glowing on my lips. Obviously, she found this intimidating and Hilary sealed her glossed lips shut tightly to observe my next move. I knew she was angry, but it was so cute.  
So to extinguish all that bitterness she was feeling, I brushed my hand up to the side of her cheek and pressed my dry lips onto hers softly. It took her a few seconds to come around to my sneaky move, but she did kiss me back… very dryly and… frustratedly.

A grunt then left my throat as Hilary pushed me away playfully, "This doesn't mean you're in the clear Granger! If you ignore me again, I will..." She barked at me with a huge blush invading her heavily make-up'd cheeks.

"No you won't." I shut down the empty threat before it even entered the atmosphere, "Because you know I love you and always will."

* * *

 **A heartfelt thank yous to kind reviewers-thank you so much for reviewing this story. And thank yous to those as well who faved and followed it :D ^w^**

 **A/N: I had a request for this pairing this morning and I didn't think anything of it until this idea hit me. I laughed so hard as I wrote this because I can really relate to this plot. Seriously guys, if a girl is so enthusiastic about the relationship and you're not – watch what happens xD. Oh** **Indigo** **, you will understand what I mean one, it's a nightmare. I hope you're well Noni and enjoy your summer vacation because this Lil Granger misses you ;) -** **Granger**

 **A/N: Oh i know all too well xD...i have real life examples ;)**  
 **As for summers, if you count out the water scarcity problem that yes, i did have good summers :D and i miss you too bub ^w^ :') - Indigo**

 **And guys we hope you had good summers as well :D and Good Eid as well ^_^...mine Eid was rainy xD...but good food and eidi made it up, lol :P**


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